Sunday, August 21, 2005

Recurring Dream

So, I had a dream last night. Actually, I'm pretty sure I was dreaming this morning around four or so, but I'm not sure that's important to the story. Anyway, I'm in my own house, having dinner with a group of people in what is actually my living room. There's a big, long table where one isn't supposed to be, and my family - my husband, my daughters - aren't there, but my biological parents, whom I no longer see at all and haven't for damned near a decade, are. As a matter of fact, there's father-dearest, sitting at the head of the table. You just know this isn't going to go well.

We're about done with dinner when an old lady sitting across from me and slightly to my right, who I think used to be a neighbor when I was growing up but I've had some distance from the dream and can't remember that detail, sees something I have and asks me to get it for her. Well, here's the important part, really, because she doesn't so much ask as she orders me in a very demeaning way to get off my ass and get it. My lazy, useless, ungrateful ass, more to the point. I don't take that graciously and, though this detail also eludes me, knowing me the way I do, I probably fired back something sarcastic that translated to 'turn it sideways and shove it.' This does not go well with father-dearest, and he orders me from the table (though not before making me do push-ups - I have NO idea where THAT came from) and then proceeds to kick me out of my own house which I prepare to do, gratefully.

I distinctly remember looking around at what I'll want to take with me; things that I can legitimately claim ownership to, things that they didn't provide for me when I realize that, well, that's everything. All of it; this, that, AND the box it's all in. It's at this moment of realization, that I make my own life and I know that I can go back downstairs and kick the dinner party out, that I woke up. I'm a little disappointed that I did, though; I would really liked to have seen the eviction.


Blogger Kizz said...

I'm considering posting this anonymously. But you'd find me. :)

I'm no dream interp expert but it sounds like the part of you that's scared/angry/unsettled by the (necessary and temporary) house chaos was trained by your parents.

11:35 AM  

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