Tuesday, October 04, 2005

Disturbance in the Force...

Someone I love is not quite herself lately.

This someone is very close to me, even though we live several hours apart. We get to "talk" every day via email and IM, and she's one of the first three people I think of when I have news to tell - good or bad. Her friendship is precious to me.

What's got me all in a twist is that, the last time we talked (before I found out that she wasn't quite herself) felt weird and wrong. I was really upset about something that, admittedly, I've been upset about for a while; she (not wrongly) got fed up with me and called me on it; I got defensive and it just sort of spiraled from there.

Do I think I'm responsible for her funk? Probably not. (I'm reminded of an Amy Fix song called "Closet" and a line that says "I've got the 'living in the closet 'cause it would kill my mother, that's how powerful I am' blues") She and I have done this before. Periodically, she needs to take breaks. It doesn't have anything to do with me and I'm forced, every time, to realize that for as much as I love her, there's often nothing I can do to help her but stay the hell out of her way.

We IMed again today and I asked her if she was better. She said she wasn't. I asked if I could help. She said no. I asked if she wanted to talk about it. She said no. We went on to have a long chat about nothing in particular, but I still feel a distance. I miss her.

While I wait for her to find her way back to herself, I send as much positive energy into the Universe on her behalf as I can spare. And I thought this might help...


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