Friday, June 30, 2006

Welcome, Molly!!

I'd like to introduce the newest member of our pack!!

WeedWoman adopted Molly last weekend. She's sweet and lovely and warm and affectionate and I'm happy to have a puppy to love that I don't have to walk in the rain and snow!

Thursday, June 29, 2006

A Decade of Love

My husband and I celebrate ten years of marriage today.

I am crazy in love with this man, and it just keeps getting better. I don't just love him, I LIKE him - he's my best friend, he makes me laugh every day, he's an amazing daddy. I thought, when I married him, that I couldn't love him any more than I did then.

I was wrong.

Wednesday, June 28, 2006

Need I Say More?

Tuesday, June 27, 2006

Vacation, Part Three

In which we conclude our Florida adventure and I load you up with far too many pictures....

Thursday was a pretty quiet day. We did a fair bit of swimming - all our fingers were wrinkly before the day was out - and we managed to get in a round of putt-putt before the four o'clock thunderstorm came through. It turns out, Beanie is a WICKED putt-putter. Who knew?

On Friday - our only "scheduled" day - we headed out early and got to Sea World JUST as it was opening. We met up with my Girlfriend and her older son and made a dash right for the sea lion and otter show. It was a lot of fun. I am particularly fond of sea lions and seals and once, when I was a little girl, I had fantasies of working with them at the New England Aquarium. My suckiness in science and my seafood allergy pretty much put the kibosh on that plan, so I get to shows whenever I can. Anyway, it was a good show and I got some decent pictures.

We continued on through the park, watching shows and taking in exhibits. The Shamu show was, I have to say, pretty disappointing, but the dolphin show was spectacular.

Daddy took Punkin Pie on the flume ride - Journey to Atlantis - and she came off crying.

The ride itself wasn't that hair-raising, but the story creeped her out. You see, my eldest is enamored of mermaids, and I gather there's one in the story that starts out all lovely and swishy, just like a mermaid should be, but reveals herself to be a spiteful sea witch when "someone" in the "crew" you're on tries to take something out of Atlantis as a keepsake or something. She "chases" you out of her home, spits you out and then sucks you back in for a scary part at the end. I didn't go on - Beanie was BARELY tall enough and the ride warned that "riders must have three functioning limbs to ride," which kind of scared me off - but I was there when it was all over to hold my quivering and crying nine-year-old. Yay! Let's go get some ice cream.

The girls had a fantastic time on the Shamu Express, which is a roller coaster designed for the little people in the crowd. By the time the evening was almost over, the lines had thinned and we got to ride on the thing six or seven times. The last trip around, I stayed on the ground while the girls waited in line for the first car. I got some pretty good pictures.

When we were done there, we realized that we'd spent ALL DAY at the park. Neither Husband nor I had expected we'd last that long, but we did, so we figured we'd stay the extra 45 minutes and see the park closing fireworks. While we waited, Husband went on the stupid, scary, twisty floorless roller coaster called Kraken. Punkin Pie was scared for Daddy, but Daddy was PSYCHED.

I'm here to tell you, that thing looked SCARY! The haul you up this ridiculously long hill, drop you a little bit, then throw you down towards a lake, whip you around a loop, twist you around for a couple of turns, flip you upside down again, throw you UNDERGROUND and twist you around a few more times. And it's FAST. See that picture? That's Husband going by. The car was too fast for my camera to focus.

And this? This is husband coming off the ride. Can you tell which one is him?

He’s SO sad that his twin brother wasn’t there with us. Usually, Bruder comes on vacation in Florida with us, and accompanies my husband on all those stupid, nausea-inducing rides. This time, Husband had to go on his own. I’m not sure that was such a hardship, though; do you?

If you go to Sea World, don’t bother staying in the park for the final show. They made the mistake of putting a story with it, which they project onto fans of water spit up from the center lagoon. The problem is, unless one is directly in front of the water curtain, one can’t tell what’s going on. You’d do just as well to sit in your car in the parking lot and watch the fireworks, which were pretty good. That way, you avoid the STAMPEDE of people leaving all at the same time and miss the crush of tired, cranky, disoriented people who don’t know which way to turn to get back to their hotel. Tired, cranky disoriented people in rental cars are just dangerous.

Saturday was a “stay at home” day for us. We spent most of it in the pool - again - and had a wonderful time. We broke for a late lunch at Macaroni Grill - our nearest one at home is an hour away - then came home and did another round of putt-putt. After that, we went swimming once more then came home and tossed the girls in the big tubby in the master bathroom (I can’t wait until MY big tubby is installed!) while we started the leaving process. We got a lot packed up ahead of time, which meant we were able to check out right on schedule.

After a quick stop to pick up a present for my sister, we were on our way to the airport. Unfortunately, we arrived JUST as the ugly weather did, and it took us far longer to get out than we’d hoped. Still, we made it home safely and are glad to be back.

The Home Depot's Reputation for Lousy Customer Service?

RICHLY deserved.

We're in the home stretch of kitchen completion, People. All that's left to be done is the installation of the countertops, the stovetop and wall oven, the assembly of two cabinets and the installation of three more, and a bunch of handles need to be screwed into place.

The problem, as far as the Home Despot is concerned, is that the stovetop and those three cabinets can't be put in until the counter is installed. The week before we left for vacation, a guy came out to measure for the countertops and called us with an estimate for them. Do you think we've heard a peep from the boy since? No sir. So, I called this afternoon, hoping to find out where in the process we are and what it will take to scoot things along.

THREE phone calls and half an hour later, and I'm no closer to an answer. I was bounced around to two different departments, disconnected once and connected to a phone no one answered once (hence, the three phone calls on my part). When I finally reached SOMEONE who MIGHT POSSIBLY know SOMETHING about what I'm asking about, she told me to try calling someone else after three.

"The Home Depot. You can do it - and you probably should do it, because we're useless."

Vacation, Part Two

Halfway Through

So, it’s Wednesday as I write this, though I have no idea when I’ll post it because I have no easy internet access. Husband had to make the last payment to the guy we bought the apartment from by pirating internet service in a Holiday Inn parking lot, but that’s neither here nor there.

We’re having a wonderful time doing absolutely nothing. Monday started out with (of course) swimming. The apartment we ended up with is almost directly across from one of the pool complexes in this resort, so we suited up and headed out. The girls are getting to be really good swimmers, and it’s far more fun now to have them in the pool than it’s been in recent years; while I’m still very watchful, I don’t have to be “Hyper-Hoverer” anymore - I pop some goggles on them and send them on their way. Anyway, we passed the morning in the water, then headed in for sun curfew by driving over to Downtown Disney and catching a matinee of Cars.

Neither Husband nor I thought we’d ever bother seeing this one - the previews were not enticing and the whole concept seemed lame to us. We needed to get out of the sun, however, and this was a good thing to do while hiding out, so we went, and I’m glad we did. It wasn’t Disney/Pixar’s best effort - that, in my mind, is a two-way tie between Monsters Inc. and Finding Nemo - but it wasn’t a waste of two hours. On our way home, we nicked some internet access in a hotel parking lot and then found an all-you-can-eat buffet for dinner.

Yesterday, we spent nearly the whole day at the resort’s newest water attraction, “River Island.” It’s a sprawling place with three, no, make that five different pool areas all connected by a meandering, slow current “river” that runs in circles through the place. For four dollars a day, you can rent a tube to ride the river. There are two giant water slides (that Beanie was too short to ride), an arcade, a splash fountain, several restaurants and a general store within the complex and it’s very easy to spend the entire day which, of course, is the point. About halfway through, a girlfriend of mine came to visit with her sons - one of whom I hadn’t met yet - and we had a lovely afternoon. I came back with a little too much sun, but I think I managed to escape a serious burn because my husband is so diligent about hiding between eleven and three. Still, the backs of my arms are hot and sensitive - I figured out that the odd burn pattern was thanks to my riding in the middle of the tube for most of the afternoon.

Today was another glorious “do nothing” day, though it’s one of two days where we have events scheduled. We started the morning with a Disney character breakfast at the Cape May Cafe in the Epcot Beach Club resort. I really like character breakfasts because, for the most part, they’re really low-key and the food is really fantastic, even if it is too expensive. The first time we came to Orlando with the girls, we only did a character breakfast - they were too little at the time to spend the money on theme parks they wouldn’t remember, but Punkin Pie wanted to see Mickey, so we figured the character breakfast would be a good way to break into the whole Disney scene. I still have pictures of Beanie - all of eleven months old or so - leaning WAY out of her high chair toward me while a character - it may have been Goofy - loomed behind her. She’s gotten over her fear of larger than life critters in clothes, though, because she nearly knocked Chip off his feet this morning going in for a hug. It was a lovely time, and I’m glad we did it.

After a quick trip through Target - I’m looking for light jackets for the girls and Husband wanted an s-video cable so we could hook the computer to a t.v. to show DVDs we’d brought - we headed back home. Wouldn’t you know it - NONE of the t.v.s in the place - there are three of them - will accept an s-video input, so the girls had to watch Ever After on my 12 inch computer screen (at least the computer’s good for SOMETHING - I’m still miffed about not being able to connect to the internet). While we hid out from the sun - the girls and Dad watching the movie, Mommy sacking out for a nap - a quick and pretty spectacular thunderstorm rolled through. Once that cleared up, we went over to the pool for our daily swim (having promised the girls that they could swim EVERY DAY, weather permitting). We went to the pools across from our apartment this time, though - River Island gets crowded in the afternoon when people come in from mornings at the theme parks. The girls had a great time swimming and playing on the water slide. Dinner was in our apartment - spaghetti and sauce with some veggies and ranch dressing - and I write this on the porch while Husband is playing nine holes just outside our porch.

Monday, June 26, 2006

Vacation, Part One

I'm so sorry I didn't blog on vacation - I had no way to get online. Here's the first installment of what I wrote offline - I'll post part two tomorrow!

After a really nice flight, the Chili family arrived at the Sanford/Orlando airport about twenty minutes ahead of schedule on Friday night. We got our bags, secured our rental car, and headed toward the east coast for the first bit of our trip.

The apartment where we stayed in Titusville was cute, though we spent more time on the screened porch than we did inside. We arrived pretty late on Friday night, so all we did on Friday was settle in and go right to bed. The next morning, we headed out to find some breakfast, then came back to the complex to play in the pool.

Young people aren’t allowed in the pool at this resort until ten a.m., and our arrival there lowered the average age to about seventy. It was kind of fun for me to watch the “water aerobics” class go on while we kept the girls at the far end of the pool. The instructor was kind of quiet, which is unusual for fitness instructors in general and water aerobics instructors in particular, and I’m pretty sure that it was far more of a social hour than an opportunity for exercise. I remember thinking that, when I’m an old lady, I could TOTALLY live out the end of my life in a place like this.

We headed in to the apartment for “sun curfew” between about noon and two. For those of you who don’t know the Chilis - we are white. About as white as people can be. With only one or two exceptions, all of our ancestors - and I do mean ALL of them - are Anglo. All of my people are Highland Scot, and all of Mr. Chili’s family hails from the British Isles. Essentially, this means that we turn into piles of ash in the sun. We are either white or red. White is good. Red is bad. The kicker of it is? If we get red, it doesn’t fade to brown. Nope - it peels off to reveal... more white! As a result, we institute a “sun curfew” between about noon and two where we head indoors - we go to movies, we read, we take naps, we play cards. Saturday, the girls and I played Skip-Bo on the porch while Mr. Chili watched the U.S. tie Italy in the World Cup.

When the game was over, we piled into the car and headed east! After a quick dinner, we ended up at the Space Coast beach and we had a FANTASTIC time.

If you want to see what pure joy looks like, bring a kid who’s grown up in New England to a Florida beach. Allow me to explain:

New England beaches have a few consistent qualities. The sand is almost always fine and gray. The shells found on New England beaches are almost always that of some sort of mussel - oblong and dark gray. And the water? ALWAYS cold. And I don’t mean “ooh - it’s kind of chilly today, isn’t it?” cold; I’m talking by the time you get to your knees (IF you can get to your knees) you can’t feel your toes anymore cold. Seriously.

So imagine the thrill the girls experienced when they ran to the water expecting to have to turn and run back. They hit the water, turned to me and yelled “HEY!! It’s WARM!”

And it was.

We played in the sand and surf until the ranger came to kick us out of the park (we were really close to the Kennedy Space Center and the state park closes at eight). It was a BLAST.

Sunday, we woke to rain, which was okay because it was a travel day for us. We packed up our stuff and headed for the Orlando/Kissimmee area, stopping to pick up a forgotten bag at the airport and for a late breakfast off the highway. We arrived at the resort little too early to check in to our apartment, so we dug our bathing suits out of the luggage and killed the couple of hours we had to wait in the pool. The girls are going to love it here. There are something like four different water areas within the resort - we could never leave here and the vacation would still be a success.

Thursday, June 15, 2006

The Night Before...

I hate the night before we leave for vacation.

I thought it would get easier as the girls get older. They could help, I reasoned, with tidying up the house and getting their things ready for packing. It turns out, though, that I was counting on a lot more help than I actually got.

I'm trying not to stress out, though I'm not sure how well I'm doing. My husband keeps reminding me that it doesn't really matter if I forget something; it's not as though we're traveling to the Amazon or anything and his mantra is "they have Wal-Marts there, you know."

Anyway, we're mostly packed, have managed to gather all the important cords and connectors, have extra batteries for the camera and will be heading out tomorrow evening.

I'm REALLY looking forward to this vacation. A whole week of time with my family without the pressures of an unfinished house, or homework, or housework. Just the four of us, lots of sunscreen, lots of swimming, sleeping in late and all the junk cereal we can handle.

Stay tuned - the computer is coming with us and updates will follow sometime in the week!

Wednesday, June 14, 2006

Beating Back the Demon

Body image.

I'm pretty sure it's something we all wrestle with, to varying degrees. We live in a culture that doesn't teach us to be comfortable in our own skin and, no matter how much we may try to rebel against the images and messages we get in the media, we're fighting a losing battle.

Most of the time, I'm very happy with my body - I'm healthy, my clothes fit, and my husband finds me attractive. Lately, though, I've been a lot harder on myself than usual. My clothes don't fit as well as they used to. It's taking me a while to get back into shape at the health club - teaching step class is a little harder than it used to be. I'm far softer in the middle than I'd like.

Graduate school, it seems, has expanded both my mind AND my ass.

I'm not about to go over the proverbial edge and starve myself, or head to my local GNC to stack up on diet pills and protein shakes. I'll continue to go to the gym - squeeze in another class somewhere, maybe even a weight training class or two - and I'll be a bit more mindful of what I'm eating. I'll try to stop confusing boredom with hunger. I'll drink more water and eat more veggies. I can bring myself back to where I want to be safely and sanely.

I just wish it didn't take so long, you know?

Tuesday, June 13, 2006

Patience, Grasshopper...

So. I've been noticing that the Universe has been sending me a lot of messages about patience lately. Specifically, patience as it relates to the big things in my life - my home and my work.

I'm not sure that I wouldn't catagorize myself as a patient person (yes, I know, there were a couple of double negatives in that sentence - figure it out), though I will admit to having the kind of personality that is better suited to action than not. I have a low tolerance for bullshit of pretty much any variety, but I wouldn't self-identify as an impatient person. I'm pretty good at waiting in line, I don't complain too much about red lights and am remarkably flexible when it comes to unexpected changes in plans. At least, *I* think I am.

Lately, though, I've gotten a lot of feedback from people who know me who have said that they're amazed that I've been able to wait as long as I have for some pretty important things. Some have even expressed surprise that I've not moved out of my (still unfinished) house in protest or that I haven't made an appointment with the principal who has still yet to return my call about a job I was promised word about three weeks ago. While I kind of think this is amusing because, well, I may not LOVE that my house has been in a state of transformation for the past year or that I get the willies every time the phone rings, I also know that in the grand scheme of things, this stuff just isn't that big a deal. My marriage is worth more to me than an orderly house and, while I want the job, it's not a life-or-death thing for me.

I was discussing this theme of patience and the Universe sending me all these messages with Kizz this afternoon. I mentioned to her that I thought that, maybe, the lesson was that I shouldn't wait so well; that maybe I should start taking action sooner rather than later on issues with greater importance. Now, we were online, so I couldn't actually SEE her laughing at me, but I'm pretty sure that, had she been drinking something, it would have been coming out her nose. Kizz is one of those friends who sees me as an action-taker and thought that my hypothesis of the point of the lesson was, well, full of shit (am I more or less capturing your thinking here, Kizz?).

Her take on it was, and I quote:

Well, I think the lesson might be (even though you didn't ask me to say) about finding a balance between the 2 extremes. About being exposed to things (a job, your marriage) that you want so much that you are willing to learn to wait longer than your comfort zone allows. And knowing when that's a decision you're happy with and when you're not.

I'm really liking her take on it, and am finding myself, yet again, grateful to have friends who can help me see beyond my little box, though I am a little alarmed that people may see me as far more aggressive than I think I am. When I get right down to it, THAT may be the big lesson in all of this.

Monday, June 12, 2006

The Flavor of Summer

The Chili family is in love with Good Eats. The other day, we watched an episode where Alton Brown works with melons.

I've been in love with watermelon my entire life. It's not unreasonable for me to finish an entire seedless watermelon all by myself and in one sitting. Anyway, I usually bring a melon home and immediately dissect it into bite sized, easy to eat pieces - that way, it's convenient to eat and thus gets eaten instead of rotting in the fridge. I used to do this by cutting the melon into wedges, cutting the rind off of each wedge, then dicing the flesh.

Alton Brown has a different method. He cuts the end off the melon and then, using an electric knife, he shaves the rind off the whole thing before cutting it into wedges. When I watched that, I thought it seemed like an awful lot of work and besides, I don't have an electric knife.

I brought home a seedless melon the other day and decided to try Alton's method before discounting it entirely. I cut my melon in half first, then used a plain old, non-electrified chef's knife to cut the rind off and I've gotta tell you, it's the way to go. MUCH easier than trying to maneuver a knife through wedges.

I feel as though a secret of the Universe has been revealed to me, and I feel it's my duty to pass it on.

Pavlov Was WRONG

So, here's the thing: I've got these two gorgeous children who have become my reason for existing. They are heathly. They are smart. Most of the time, they bring me indescribable, excruciating joy.

And then there are other times when I really do understand why so many mothers are in therapy.

We have, stuck to our fridge, three lists. One is labeled "good morning!" one says "welcome home from school!" and the third is titled "good night!" On these lists are the things that the girls have to do at certain times of the day (for example, the morning list says "get up...make your bed...get breakfast...put your dishes in the sink when you're done eating...brush your teeth..." that sort of thing. There is nothing on any of the lists that is taxing for a small person, and before the school year started, we three sat down and went over the lists to make sure that they were all relavent and doable. The idea was that, instead of reminding the girls to do every single thing they need to do, thereby turning the parents into insufferable nags, we could simply tell them to "work your list."

Can you see where this is going?

I was making lunches for the girls this morning - this is part of my job now that I'm not working - when I discovered that the girls' lunch boxes were not where they're supposed to be. That's because they're still in their backpacks and have been since Friday afternoon. So I put everything in produce bags and left them where I usually put their lunch boxes. The part I love about this, though, is that they came downstairs from their showers and asked me "why are the lunches on the floor?" I'm about three days off of starting my period. I had to physically restrain myself from throttling the little cherubs.

The lists have been on the fridge since the oldest girl started school four years ago. You'd think they'd have figured it out by now. Maybe I need a bell and some kibble....

Thursday, June 08, 2006

What Do You Get When You Add....

.....a week of rainy weather.....

....thirty-two boxes of pre-finished wood floors....

....two floorless rooms....

....a bunch of bored contractors....(whose picture I don't have)

....and two thousand dollars....?

Tuesday, June 06, 2006

Look Out - I'm On a Roll!

I just finished Kite Runner in record time - less than 24 hours, actually. It was a compelling book and I was completely hooked. Either I'm getting better at reading or am turning soft, because this book made me cry. Up until I read The Secret Life of Bees, I'd never cried while reading. Perhaps, like Helen Keller with "water," Bees opened up my proverbial floodgates. Anyway, if you haven't read Kite Runner, I can recommend it highly and without hesitation. Come to think of it, I can highly recommend Bees, too.

I'm headed next for Heart of Darkness. I read it once in college. Well, that's not exactly accurate - I read it about four times for the same class in college. Heart of Darkness was the one-and-only text used in a literary criticism class I took as an undergrad. Anyway, while I was reading The Poisonwood Bible, Kizz suggested that there was a link between that novel and Conrad's work, so I thought I'd revisit HoD to see how my thinking may have changed about it after having had the Poisonwood experience. HoD is a short work - less than a hundred pages - but it's PACKED with good stuff. I'm looking forward to reading it again.

I leave you, in this post, with this compelling line. Think about it:

"And this also," said Marlow suddenly, "has been one of the dark places of the earth."

Flower Blogging!

LOOK at what I have in my yard!!!

WeedWoman gave these to me when she dug them out of the yard in her old house (something that she continues to do, by the way - I guess part of the sales agreement was that the new owner lets her come in and re-appropriate all the plants from her old garden). Irises are my MOST favorite flower of all, and I'm stupidly excited that I have one in my yard.

This bumper crop of garlic chives is also courtesy of WeedWoman. I haven't used many of them this year, though last summer they added kick and personality to my salads. I think the flowers are lovely and they, along with the rhubarb that my grandmother gave me last spring, are the only things to make an encore appearance in the garden that my husband and the girls planted last summer.

Finally, this is a picture of Small One, who isn't a flower but followed me around as I photographed the blooms in the yard. He is the designated "lawn lion." He never goes far and is always coming out of the veld to find out what's on the barbeque. I love him very much and am grateful to the Universe that he's healthy again.

Trying My Hand at Political Blogging

Note: As a general rule, I try to stay away from political blogging. I'm not very good at it, and I fear it will get me in trouble somehow. Still, this is important to me, so I'm tossing caution to the wind and letting fly.

This disgusts me. I've been reading and listening to a lot of hubbub about this issue for the last few days and the arguments brought up by the opponants never cease to wrinkle my brown and hurt my brain (and make my middle finger itchy). To whit:

-if we let "the gays" marry, we'll somehow erode the very foundation of marriage itself.

-if we let a man marry a man or a woman marry a woman, what's to keep someone from arguing their right to marry MORE than one person? Or their dog? Or their mother? Or their toaster?! Dear God! It'll be the end of the world!

-allowing gays to marry will send confusing signals to our young people and make them more likely to choose an alternative lifestyle (which assumes, of course, that it's a choice. I don't know about you, but I don't ever remember choosing my sexuality...)

-allowing same-sex marriage will destroy the health care system because all HIV positive patients will have to do is get married to receive health care benefits (I particularly love this one, because it assumes that only gay people are HIV positive).

All if this is so much homophobic, ignorant horseshit. The only reason this topic is being brought up at all right now is because the Republican party is gasping like a trout on a dock and is fearful that it will lose its majority in the upcoming elections. It is a no-brainer that bringing up this social issue fires up the righty-tighty conservatives and religious groups and gives them a common "threat" to rally against (remember the last round of elections? Remember the lovely little duck-and-cover they pulled with the immigration issue to divert our attention away from the train wreck that is our current involvement in Iraq?).

Gay rights is an issue that gets me worked up. I can't stand that society discriminates against people because they are gay, and I hate that people I love can be targets of violence and hatred simply because they don't attract to the opposite sex. Whose business is it, anyway? I want the politicians to focus on cleaning up the messes this country has made in the rest of the world, on making sure our roads are whole and safe, and on fixing the education and health care nightmares we have in this country. Quit picking on gays and get to the real work we elected you to do.

Saturday, June 03, 2006

Song Blogging

I love it when Vanx does this, so I'm going to shamelessly rip off his idea.

Slap Leather / James Taylor

Take all the money that we need for school
And to keep the street people in out of the cold

Spend it on a weapon you can never use
Make the world an offer that they can't refuse
Open up the door and let the shark-men feed
Hoover of the future in the land of greed
Sell the Ponderosa to the Japanese

Slap leather, head for that line of trees, yeah
Slap leather
Go on Ron
Just about to go myself

Turn the whole wide world into a TV show
So it's just the same game wherever you go
You never meet a soul that you don't already know
One big advertisement for the status quo
As if these celebrities were your close friends
As if you knew how the story ends
As if you weren't sitting in a room alone
And there was somebody real at the other end of the phone, yeah
Phone sex
Just about to dial your number

Get all worked up so we can go to war
We find something worth killing for
Tie a yellow ribbon around your eyes

Big McFalafel and a side of fries
Yeah, Big McFalafel
Stormin' Norman
I just love a parade

Slap leather
Phone love
Big McFalafel
Just about to die myself

Friday, June 02, 2006

"I'm a Mystical Motherf**ker."

Oh, DEAR GOD!! Fussy keeps a blog where she takes her son's action figures and puts them in yoga class. It is a screaming riot every...single...time! I know I've sent you there before, but this most recent post sent me right over the edge, so go check it out again, really. Then come back and tell me that this woman isn't hysterical.